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Toxic Relationship Feelings – From Painful to Positive and Powerful!

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If you have gone through a painful relationship breakup, saying you are not at your best is probably an understatement. Many say they feel disorganized and confused, anxious about the future and bad about themselves.

Does that sound like you? Do you have sleepless nights and stressful days? Or are you sleeping too much? Gaining too many pounds? Feeling uninspired and distressed? Or angered and resentful?

However you are feeling, I hope reading this blog will put even a small smile of hope on your face.

Dr. Diane Kramer avatar

A Bit of My Story

Having been through too many painful relationship breakups myself, years ago I decided to find ways out of the pain and into better feelings and a more satisfying life. I did – with great success. I found ways to move into low stress, high self-love and high confidence, all leading to a life I have loved for half my life.

If you had the tools for shifting your feelings, would that help you? Would you like to be able to dim the bad feelings like you would dim a lighting fixture, and then to light up the good feelings of inner self-love and outer confidence, bringing yourself more alive?

I still use many of the tools I learned back then to shift my feelings, as needed. These tools – from the worlds of Psychology, Neuroscience, Neuro-Linguistic Programming (think Tony Robbins) and Mindfulness Practices – helped me shift my feelings at a steadily increasing rapid rate. They gave me back control of me. At first, I didn’t think it possible – but practice, practice, practice gave me that superpower. Why not you?

Thinking back, the first time I realized I could have control over my feelings was when my friend Jeremy said to me: “Diane, suffering is optional.” At first I thought he was nuts. After all, when you are in a toxic relationship and it finally ends, isn’t there pain? Don’t you have to suffer?

Of course, you can’t utterly avoid bad feelings. You need time to mourn and to feel whatever you are feeling. But at the same time, you can start to let go and shift those feelings as you gain power and control over your insides. And anyone can learn to master the superpower tools of shifting feelings.

As an example, frustration/anger is a feeling you may be feeling before, during and after breakup time. Yet that feeling is self-sabotaging and only hurts you. Actually, according to the research, the more anger, the more likely you are to be a future heart attack candidate.

With your superpower to shift your feelings, you can shorten your mourning period. Your anger can disappear with the realization that you are only hurting yourself. The anxiety about the unknown can turn into the excitement of new discovery.

You may be saying by now: “Okay, I get it but I can’t do it. Tell me how to shift my feelings. It would be useful to know.”

Actually, there are thousands of ways to shift feelings.  In our Extraordinary Self Breakup Recovery Program, we will teach you ways that will work for you. Please remember that everyone is different and what works for one person may not work for another.

  • Acceptance of What Is – Fighting a feeling prolongs it. It is better to sit with it and watch it pass through. Talking to myself about the inner sensations helps a lot – a Mindfulness Practice … “My heart is beating fast. There is a dull ache in my lower stomach. My body feels about 500 pounds, etc.”
  • Imagining a Feeling I Want Instead – At times I can feel the feeling I want instead and choose a belief, images and memories that will bring up that feeling – an NLP Practice.
  • Reframing or Changing the Meaning of the Experience – example:  His breaking up with me is not my fault, no matter what he said. It simply convinced me that I choose narcissistic men and need to figure out how to make better choices – a Psychology Practice.
  • Writing My Story from Different Perspectives – the Victim, the Hero – both NLP and Psychology practices

Those are just a few tools for shifting feelings. If you choose to do your own Breakup Recovery work with us at the Extraordinary Self Programs, we will teach you to leave your negative feelings behind and shift to the positive

That will put you on firmer ground as we help you to gain continual self-love, build your confidence and figure out how to get the life you want – and deserve. Why not you? We know you can do it. Thousands already have in our Extraordinary Self Programs. We will be there right along with you to help.


– Joan M Convery, PHR, Vice President – Human Resources,
Community Development Corporation of Long Island


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Download our free e-book – Recovering from Toxic Relationships, Breakup and Divorce Recovery e-book– including Nine Steps for Recovery.

Sign up for one of our Toxic Relationships, Breakup and Divorce Recovery Programs. These Extraordinary Self Transformation Programs, comes in three versions – a private coaching program over 9 months to help you evolve to the next level of self-love, self-confidence and a fulfilling life, a group program and third, a self-study version, each to fit your budget.

Sign up for one of our other Extraordinary Self Transformation Programs.

In addition to Toxic Relationship Breakup and Divorce Recovery, our Extraordinary Self Transformation Programs include live coaching (Individual or group) and 7 intensive powerful self-study courses for self development with one focused on Extraordinary Relationships and Win/Win Communication.. Our core course, 8 Key Abilities for Your Extraordinary Future, has won multiple awards and helped thousands. Our other courses include courses on stress, self-talk, emotions, self-defeating patterns, relationships, and self-worth.

Dr. Diane (Kramer) is a long-time relationship and business coach, psychologist, divorce mediator, author and marriage counselor. Dr. Diane brings insight, wisdom, warmth, and powerful tools to help her clients recover from toxic and painful relationships with self and/or other – in personal life and business. She teaches the mind set, skill set and action set to feel continually self-loving and powerful while reaching success goals time-after-time in all areas of your life.

Donna (Anselmo) M.S., Dr. Diane’s partner, is a long-time business and relationship coach, best-selling author, hypnotherapist, radio personality and branding/marketing specialist who uses wisdom, compassion, insight and powerful tools to lead her clients to recover from toxic and painful relationships with self and/or others. She then leads her clients to build successful lives, step-by-step, in the areas of relationships, career, business and personal life.

Co-founders of the award-winning Extraordinary Self® Transformation Programs, Donna and Dr. Diane draw their tools from Psychology, Neuroscience, Neuro-Linguistic Programming (think Tony Robbins) and MIndfulness Practices.

Donna and Dr. Diane have helped thousands of Extraordinary Self graduates transform.