Reinventing you?
Are you up for it? If you could reinvent you, what would you choose to change? Surprisingly, or unsurprisingly, most people say the same thing. They want to feel really good almost all the time. They want nurturing, loving relationships in which their needs are met. They want great health. They want a delicious lifestyle. And they want excellence in career, business, and finance.
Is that what you want? Or is your list different? Or more? Take a minute to think about it.
Years ago I got to wondering if such human paragons existed. On the quest, I realized that Abraham Maslow’s self-actualizing individuals fit the bill.
Knowing of these excellent human specimens, my Extraordinary Self team of experts and I went on a second quest – to find our own self-actualizing people. We identified 25 with the characteristics above. They experienced unconditional worthiness, day in and day out while maintaining good values and integrity. Their reports about their relationships indicated loving, caring, need satisfying mates and friends. And they were all making good money in careers or businesses they loved.
Extraordinary Selves
Cindy is a great example of one of our self-actualizing finds – whom we relabeled as Extraordinary Selves. Feeling unconditionally worthy was her emotional home base. Whenever another feeling popped up on top of feeling worthy, she thought about it and learned how to change either her conclusion or her behavior.
Cindy had developed very high emotional intelligence (ability to manage and learn from her feelings). In a long term relationship with an incredibly nurturing husband, she had it made. And her career as a college professor allowed her to spend lots of time bringing up her three kids. Cindy had it all – and appreciated all.
Do you want to be your own self-actualizing Extraordinary Self? How much do you want this? If you do, are you ready to do what it takes? Reinvention takes commitment, time, new beliefs and new strategies.
Let’s examine these one at a time.
Commitment
Commitment to what? If you are going to change you, you need to know what you are changing. That means specific goal-setting and goal-getting. You may be asking how to use goal-setting for personal change. Here is an example: “In three months, I will be expert in believing I am unconditionally worthy, and have routines worked out to get back to feeling worthy when I get triggered into bad feelings.”
Have you ever set a personal development goal? Are you willing to commit to reaching that goal? It’s well worth learning how to set and get self-development goals!
Time
Changing or reinventing yourself takes time. Change is not instant pudding. You need to be able to focus on you. First step is getting mindful of what happens internally. You need to learn to notice your thoughts and feelings. Why? So you can discover the triggers that set off bad feelings, stress reactions and negative thoughts. And you need to reflect on your limiting beliefs that cause you to feel bad and stressed out, and learn how to shift them.
New Beliefs
What are beliefs? They are conclusions we have come to about ourselves, others and life. They cause our feelings. We start creating beliefs in childhood and once started up, they are hard to change. For example, if the feedback in your childhood leads you to conclude you are unworthy, that belief becomes the foundation for building your life.
A life based on unworthy is far different and less satisfying than a life based on worthy. Which do you want? If you want worthy, then you need to learn to permanently substitute worthy beliefs for unworthy ones.
New Strategies
Strategies focus on what you think, feel and do in specific circumstances. In our research into self-actualizing Extraordinary Selves, we found a number of strategies in common. In regards to career or business, each of our Extraordinary Selves had figured out their mission or purpose and used it to persist in their career or business, making their long-term accomplishment extremely satisfying.
As for relationships, our Extraordinary Selves made great relationship choices and had excellent communication and relationship management skills. And at their core, our Extraordinary Selves share unconditional worthiness as the basis of their beliefs and feelings.
For You
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In the meantime we invite you to download our Free e-book on toxic relationships.
And if you want to learn how to make suffering optional, want those deep changes and need help, we offer either private or group in-depth coaching programs. And for those on a budget, we offer self-study e-courses complete with deep visualizations for change and a role model to guide you through your changes (plus monthly contact with us). Visit Extraordinary Self to learn more.
About Us
Message from Dr. Diane Kramer
I am a psychologist, coach, marriage counselor, trainer, author and divorce mediator with more than 40 years of experience with helping people make deep changes. Based on “Suffering is Optional,” I developed the first Extraordinary Self Program in 2008 with a team to create positive change more quickly and thoroughly than traditional therapies. Our Extraordinary Self team has helped thousands. My life mission – I love to help people radiate self-love and confidence while developing the lives, careers and/or relationships they truly desire. I want this for you.
Message from Donna Anselmo, M.S.
I am a coach, McGraw-Hill published author, marketing strategist, and former AM/FM talk radio host who has partnered with Dr. Diane to expand and bring Extraordinary Self Programs, including our new Breakup and Divorce Recovery offerings, online. After also mastering the “Suffering is Optional” mindset, I have helped many to trade in the negative emotions holding them back for positive change, success, and satisfaction. My life mission – helping people unleash their inner resources, reinvent themselves, and launch the lives, careers and/or relationships they love. I look forward to helping you, too!