Do you want to move into a world where “Suffering is Optional” and you really get what you want in your life? With a bit of learning and unlearning, you can enjoy your best life. relationships and career. In this article, we lay out strategies and beliefs that are crucial for reinventing your reality and embracing Suffering is Optional!
Necessary Strategies and Beliefs for Reinvention
- You need to learn to love and appreciate yourself, even if you are criticized, rejected or fail. It is like wearing an emotional airbag!
- You need to internally notice what you are thinking and feeling. When your thoughts and feelings go negative and self-attacking, that means you got triggered. Triggers are like the light going from on to off in a room – dimming you with them. You can learn to notice the light going off inside you.
- You need to learn to detach from your bad feelings and negative thoughts when you are triggered. This will take committed practice and is very possible to learn. You will know you have mastered detaching when you notice yourself feeling bad and thinking negatively, and then switching into a positive self-loving and compassionate state instead. It’s like taking responsibility for turning the lights back on
- But change doesn’t stop here. Next, you need to examine your negative beliefs and feelings and figure out more positive and affirming beliefs and feelings. Remember, feelings are based on our beliefs. Shift your beliefs and your feelings will shift.
Most of us learned to believe that we were not important, loveable, smart, [or Insert any other negative belief that emerged in our childhood]. We learned it from feedback we got from the outside of us – not based on our own choices and decisions. As adults, we can choose to think about ourselves differently and we can learn. We can learn to love ourselves and to think positively about ourselves and our lives.
Case in Point
Peggy had been sexually abused by her father for years. As a child, she held in her anger and went along being a pleaser to keep the peace in her dysfunctional family. Coming to therapy years later, she learned to simply notice her inner thoughts and feelings from a detached point of view without getting stuck in the emotions surrounding her past experiences. She learned how to give her “inner child” compassion and love.
Later, she made important decisions that reinvented who she was in her own family. She stood up for herself and said ‘no’ to the husband and family members who expected her to take care of everyone and everything. No longer did she accept disrespect from her husband. She learned instead to speak to him firmly, pointing out what his words did to her and what she needed instead. Her marriage was saved, and her family began to really show respect to Peggy.
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