GET UNSTUCK! BREAK THROUGH BARRIERS AS YOU
TRANSFORM YOUR SELF-DEFEATING PATTERNS
TO EXTRAORDINARY SUCCESS PATTERNS
Why the pattern lasts, and how to change it
A self-defeating pattern is a habit you fall into when things get hard: you go quiet, you take charge, you say yes when you mean no, you fight back, you work harder, you leave.
The book Toward an Extraordinary Relationship calls these Self-Protecting Patterns, because each one protects you from a painful feeling underneath. That is why they last, and why simply deciding to stop is rarely enough.
This course takes you underneath the pattern to what it has been protecting, so that you can handle that feeling another way and let the pattern go.
What you will be able to do
By the end of this course you will know your self-defeating pattern by name, you will know what painful feeling it has been protecting you from, and you will be able to handle that feeling another way, so that the pattern no longer has a job to do.
You will catch the pattern starting instead of noticing it afterward, and you will have something else to do in that moment. The story that never ends differently will start to end differently, at home, at work, and in the things you have been putting off.
Who this course is for
This course is for you if you feel stuck, if you keep repeating a story that never ends differently, and if you are ready to find out what the pattern has been protecting you from.
It is also for you if you can see exactly what you do, and you have told yourself a hundred times to stop, and it has not worked. That is not a lack of willpower. It is a pattern with a job, and this course gives it a different one.
What you will learn
To identify the patterns that hold you back, including the ones you cannot see yet. To picture your life without them, so that you know what you are working toward. To understand what drives each pattern, and what painful feeling it protects you from.
To find the Limiting Belief underneath the pattern, an old conclusion about yourself that you have carried since childhood, and replace it with a Liberating Belief: “I am okay, and I can learn to ___.”
To step back from the thoughts and feelings that set the pattern off, and to build the resilience and confidence to do something different next time.
How the course works
The course is self-paced and online, and you can use it on a computer, a tablet, or a phone. You start when you like, stop when you like, and pick up where you left off.
Every lesson has the same shape. It tells you what you will learn. It teaches one thing, with real people and real conversations. It asks you to write, in your own private journal. You listen to a guided audio visualization, which is where the new response gets practiced in your body, not only understood in your head.
Then the lesson sends you back into your life with an Action Goal: one thing to do before you return. When you come back, the next lesson asks how it went. That is how what you learn on the screen turns into what you do in your kitchen, your office, and your own head.
Most lessons take about an hour, and most people do one or two a week. (Confirm.)
What the lessons cover
- Tool 1: 4-2-4-2 breathing
- What self-defeating patterns are, and where they come from
- The big picture: your life without them
- Getting ready to change your pattern
- Tool 2: identify the details of your pattern
- Tool 3: detach from the pattern as it starts
- Tool 4: from Limiting Beliefs to Liberating Beliefs
- Tool 5: from self-defeat to your Extraordinary Self
- Practices to make the learning stick
What is inside
Nine lessons, 113 interactive screens, and five guided audio visualizations, with real-life examples, practice exercises, and workbook pages. An Action Goal at the end of every lesson and an accountability check at the start of the next. Available any time, on any device.
Every course also includes your own Blueprint for Change, a private online journal that only you can see, workbook pages, learning checks and feedback as you go, and the e-book Become Your Own Superhero with Liberating Beliefs.
Live group support
Every learner is welcome in our private Facebook group, Toward an Extraordinary Relationship, open to readers of the book and to everyone enrolled in an Extraordinary Self course.
Each week has one theme and one short question a day, and you can bring your own situation any time. Dr. Diane reads everything and answers most days. Lorraine, who moderates the group, has done this work herself and will be in the conversation with you.
About Dr. Diane
Dr. Diane Ernstoff Kramer, Ph.D., is a psychologist and marriage counselor with fifty years of practice, Professor Emeritus in the State University of New York system, and the founder of Extraordinary Self Programs. She is the author of Toward an Extraordinary Relationship.
She and her late husband Fred built the learning platform these courses run on with the help of Donna Anselmo, Rachel Hazan and Grant Larimer. Dr. Diane wrote the courses herself. They draw on her fifty years of practice, on psychological research, and on NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming, the study of how people who do something well actually do it, so that others can learn it).
Our guarantee
If the course is not what you need, we want to know, and we will make it right. Every course is covered by our satisfaction guarantee; see the Satisfaction Guarantee page for details.
The pattern is not who you are. It is something you learned, and anything you learned can be learned differently.
